It’s been a great week for season finales of my favorite shows, and since everyone had so much fun with my spoilerific thoughts on Game of Thrones, I thought I’d do it again with TURN. So, without further ado.

Here be Spoilers.

  1. Ah, Nathan Hale. Sorry you had just one life to give, and all that, brother.
  2. TURN’S Peggy Shippen is sympathetic in a way that no other portrayal has ever made her, utterly abandoned–she believes–by both her husband and the man she loves. And yet, as everything collapses around her, she finds talismanic strength in the lock of hair Andre cut off for her. #80sRatTailForTheWin
  3. Downstairs, Washington has figured out the scope of Benedict Arnold’s betrayal and his mood is like this:
  4. But why tell Lafayette, of all people, that Arnold’s treason must be kept quiet? Is the show implying that the Marquis was a blabbermouth? Lafayette pretty much just laughs in Washington’s face and says, “Dude, it’s already all over twitter.” But he says it nicer, and with a French accent.
  5. Wow, super bad hair day, Peggy.
  6. So, I’ve been wondering how the show was going to handle Peggy Shippen’s mental breakdown, given that the real life Peggy had a child who she used to expert effect in provoking the sympathies of Hamilton and Washington, by saying she feared they would murder the child in vengeance for the father. TV Peggy doesn’t have a kid, so she throws a crazy demons-on-the-ceiling panic attack straight out of WGN’s Salem.
  7. It works. But not so much on Hamilton, who famously wrote his betrothed, Elizabeth Schuyler, that he was so moved to pity that he wished he could defend her.
  8. Instead, Peggy’s histrionics force Ben and Lafayette to haul her up and put her to bed.
  9. I am not opposed to watching a consensual intimate scene with Peggy, Ben and Lafayette. #HistoricalAccuracyBeDamned
  10. Meanwhile, back in Setauket, Simcoe is simpering around the Woodhull house, the judge is preparing a case against his own son, and it’s all a bit snoozy because Abe is not really the star of the show and hasn’t been since season one.
  11. I bet the stocks get really uncomfortable when you stand in them overnight. #ThingsNotToTry
  12. Back in Washington’s camp, the captured Andre is being interrogated, and it strikes us that he should never be out of uniform. Not just because it’s going to get him killed but because red is his color.
  13. Andre calmly and truthfully spills every detail of his spycraft like someone who knows he’s going to die.
  14. But when he hears Peggy’s name come up as an innocent caught in Arnold’s web, he reacts wonderfully, with just a flicker of his eyes that says everything to the viewers, and nothing to Washington.
  15. As it happens, Andre agrees with me that he should never be out of uniform. He wants to dress well for his execution, and Alexander Hamilton is on the case!
  16. Clinton would love to trade Arnold for Andre. Welcome to Peggy’s world.
  17. Meanwhile back in Setauket, Abe invokes his non-existent 5th Amendment rights and Simcoe delivers a hilariously campy complaint about Abe hitting his injured ear. “It hurt very badly.”
  18. Quaker Innkeeper, Townsend, is the show’s broodiest bastard. But I totally dig it. If brooding, chilly, condescending, black-frocked Quakers can be sexy, he’s got it all going on.
  19. Hey, so Anna is now welcome in Washington’s high-level spy meetings? This is a new and welcome development! (I doubt its accuracy, but such things could’ve happened.)
  20. Super curious to know whether or not the historical Ben Tallmadge was a force in arguing for Andre’s execution; Hamilton was very sympathetic to Andre.
  21. In Setauket, Mary unloads on the stand, but it really doesn’t matter. Nothing anyone says in this trial matters. God, I don’t even care if they hang Abe.
  22. Arnold finds a drawing of Peggy in Andre’s house. BAZINGA! Then it gets worse for Arnold as Clinton spanks him, repeatedly, putting him in his place. I knew John Andre and you are no John Andre…
  23. Except Andre is still alive just long enough to hug Abigail before Ben is all, “Hey, can you get dressed already so we can get this execution party rolling?” And Andre gives Ben a look that should freeze his nether-parts.
  24. Ben and Andre in a carriage–talking company business. I like this scene because Ben more or less becomes a man.
  25. The show creators are really having fun with costuming this season. First, the super tight breeches. Then the hubris of showing us that Ben can totally rock a ridiculous horse-hair helmet. And now they put him in a flashy cape. #Mrow
  26. I’m scared that Ben isn’t as dumb as everybody else in the Continental Army and that he recognizes the eyes of the woman Andre is drawing.
  27. Meanwhile Jamie Bell reminds the audience that he can act. The sequence when Abe confesses his guilt about his brother is genuinely moving. Unfortunately, all the back-and-forth between our two executions is giving me whiplash.
  28. Wow, that is a silly silly march to the gallows.
  29. Andre sees Peggy and the show TOTALLY SQUANDERS the opportunity for a Braveheart moment. Listen guys, I know this is a manly show about spies, but you got everybody shipping Shippen and Andre. Is it really so hard to hold the camera on their faces for their long, silent goodbye, or are you too afraid you might cry?
  30. Andre utters his famous last words, and meets his fate, and though I knew it was coming I hate the world.
  31. Don’t even think you can make it up to me by yanking Andre’s legs to snap his neck, Ben.
  32. You can’t even make it up to me by being smart enough to have figured out Peggy is guilty, but dumb enough to let her get away. Piss off with your tight breeches and cape.
  33. Abe is also getting hanged. I don’t care. #I’mASecretTory?
  34. Abe’s dad cares, and saves his life. So over the daddy issues. The relationship between the Quaker father and son is far more interesting.
  35. Someone finally gives arch-villain Simcoe what might be a fatal blow. And it’s the judge, with three little words. “You pathetic amateur.”
  36. OMG. Seeing Benedict Arnold in a redcoat is a shock to the system, y’all!
  37. Count me in for next season!